The Self Insert's Survival Guide:Equestria Edition
by XiXIXiX
Summary: So you are a self insert, huh? well, no worries, i got just the guide for you! it contains all the information you will ever need! With your guide, Bob, and our little test subject, we will harrow all the pitfalls so you won't have to!


Hi! _someone _(i wont say who) converted me.

anyway, i would appreciate any comments or concerns you would leave, as well as any suggestions.

these chapters are meant to be bite sized, so much at your leisure!

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><p>The self insert's survival guide (Equestria edition)<p>

Brought to you by Xi

Chapter 1: entry from SPAAAAACCCCCEEEE

Hello! Welcome to the self inserts survival guide! If you have come across this, then that means that you, my friend, may find yourself in another universe soon!

Now, for demonstrations sake, I shall randomly choose one person somewhere in the world for this self insert. Alakazam!

Boom!

"Huh? Wah?" An occupied bed suddenly appeared in a blindingly white room. In said bed is a teenager with black hair and dark brown eyes. He had a dark complexion, like some one from the Middle East, and was blinking madly at the sudden intense amount of light. He proceeded to reach to the left of him, and grabbed a pair of glasses. He put them on and looked around, before lying back on his bed and attempting to go back to sleep, with his glasses on.

This here is Ali from caliderpia! Huh? What? Wrong dimension? Oh, it's California... Anyway, he's from California, Stockton more specifically, and is a little over 15 years of age. His hobbies include playing video games, the Internet, being lazy, talking to himself, music, manga, fanfiction, and golf. He is five foot eight inches, not very athletic, and would rather stay at home than go outside. He is intelligent, yet sometimes lacks any common sense what-so-ever, and has absolutely no sense of direction. The only noticeable thing in his history is that he moved from his beloved home of Sacramento to Stockton at age nine. Although he will never admit it in public, he is a brony, thanks to one of his online friends redirecting him to the cupcake side of the force (no, not that cupcake side of the force, the good side).

Now that we know some information about our participant, lets start testing!

"Hello, I am the almighty Bob! Heed my commands!" Let's see how he handles this.

"Go away, voice; I'm trying to wake up..." Ah, a common response. This is one of the many ways most SI's (as we shall call them from now on) try and handle the situation. This one is called the inception method. In other words, they believe they are dreaming.

There are several other ways SI's try and cope with it. The most common among the braver types is known as the "SPARTA!" approach. That is to simply accept the situation as it is, and plan from there. This usually happens to those SI's that have been told they are going to another dimension (due to uncertain causes) or were warped to a random location in some universe.

Then there is the "Doc Brown" approach. This is to come up with as many excuses to what the hell happened. This happens to those who are much more timid. If someone manages to disprove one of the ones the SI came up with, then they will simply move on to another.

The last of the most common ways to deal with a situation such as this is not so much of a method as something that has already happened to explain said situation. Let's say a god/deity dropped you into a dimension and explained to you what the hell was going on before entering said world. Then you are pretty much set as far as that goes. This only works if you believe what you think you heard (as some could still pass it off as a dream). This route is what I like to call the "Heavens feel" method.

Back to our test subject.

"Boy! Wake up! This is not a dream!" Now to see if he will stick to the inception route, or take a doc brown approach or the heavens feel.

"Don't care. Still going to try and wake up." And there you have it folks! He sticks to the inception route.

After several minutes of trying to go to sleep, the SI gets up and takes note of his surroundings (please note that this SI sleeps in whatever he was wearing the previous day, minus shoes, socks, and jackets). "Okay... WTF? Thought I was just dreaming, but then I realized I've never had a lucid dream before..."

Okay, this is a common development along the inception route. Note that routes can lead into other routes if enough of a certain factor is applied. "Oh? So you admit to the almighty Bob that this is not a dream?"

He pinched himself. "Guess not... Unless I'm in a really deep sleep and people don't actually remember pain in dreams then that just means I'm still dreaming." He then proceeds to unhook an iPod near where he found his glasses. "My iPods here! Yes!"

Ah, the almighty IPod. Bane of song-fic haters everywhere. A lot of SI's tend to bring them with them, and they somehow "magically" have infinite battery and a signal. Unfortunately for him, his doesn't have either.

"Damn. No signal... Well FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he didn't really scream it, but it was loud for him (he has quiet the soft voice). "No manga..." another realization hit him."or Fan fiction! I'm doomed!"

He turned to face in some random direction. "Yo, uh, almighty Bob, dude, buddy... Think you can get me some Internet?"

A little unexpected, but not uncommon. Sometimes when SI's meet a god/deity, they ask for a favor of some sort. Unluckily for him, I'm feeling cruel today.

"Let me think about that... Nope."

"Chucktesta."

"What?" seriously, what? He said it so fast I didn't hear him...

"Nothing... But why, dude? Like, I need the Internet!" he seriously thinks I'm going to let him have Internet?

"Seriously, you are not worried at all that you suddenly woke up somewhere you do not know? Your only worried about Internet?" Note some SI's tend not to worry over things like what they left behind, which is seriously weird. Suddenly being in a place you don't know can really damage a persons psyche!

"I'm still holding onto that little portion of me that thinks that this is a dream. Wait a minute! Maybe I've been kidnapped! But then why take my bed? Unless..." hmm. Well, I guess he is still holding onto a bit of that route. Guess I'll crush it out of him.

"Sorry, still no Internet for you. But I do have something equally awesome to offer you!" I said that in the most sarcastic voice I could muster.

"Oh, do be a good sir and tell me what is this offer?" at this point, the SI was talking in a British accent and looking around his bed. In one hand was a jacket and headphones (probably found under his blankets), and in the other were a pair of shoes (probably found under the bed). Seems he is looking for all the resources he can get.

"Why the British accent?" seriously, why British? Why not French?

"Because I like accents. Problem, bob?" he found an iPod charger and an old battery in the mean time. Seriously, is he trying to be MacGyver or something.

"Well, to answer your earlier question, I offer you a chance to travel to another universe." he suddenly paused in his search for materials.

"Seriously? Psh. Lies, I tell you! Lies!" Stubborn one, isn't he?

""Fine then. If you could go to any place, where would you go?"

At this point, he had organized all his supplies on his bed in a nice orderly fashion. "hmmm... Some place that won't get me killed. So no mass effect, final fantasy, god of war, halo, gears of war..."

He continued to make a list of violent video games/movies/tv shows until he stopped. "Really, the only place that wouldn't be entirely violent would be a place like Equestria..."

Ah, the magic words. You see, nearly all SI's go to a place they know like the back of their hand, so they won't have a problem fitting in. "equestria then? Okay!"

I snapped my fingers (of course, all he heard was my fingers snapping. He never actually saw me...) and boom! gone.

Now, getting into another dimension is a tricky thing. Some people manage to get their on purpose. Some by complete accident. Others were given chances by heavenly or ethereal beings, myself being part of group three, although very, very low on said tier. I had to practice my power first, and let me tell you that the first time I did it, the woman I had sent brought her husband with her because she was kissing him at the time. She had also managed to bring some of the floorboards... That was my first lesson: anything in a certain area of a SI can and will be brought with them. No exceptions, unless said SI is dead when being sent.

Back to our test subject!

We next see our SI floating in the air above a large body of water, along with his bed.

"Oh come on this can't be happening..." the bed started to fall into the ocean at a speed of -9.81m/s^2.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh-"*splash* hehe. Lucky for him I made his bed floatable. Oh, look like he's passed out from shock.

We have learned today that SIs have many ways of being catapulted into situations that should be out of their bounds to handle. We have also learned that SIs manage to get into other dimensions in a variety of ways, sometimes bringing object or even other living things with them. Thus concludes today's chapter and observations!

Next chapter: we are not on earth anymore, internet.

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><p>Well, there you go! hope you enjoyed it!<p> 


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